Yep, Still Pregnant.
Saturday, January 31, 2004
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Fear of the Unknown
I hate not knowing what is going on. I would rather know that something bad is about to happen than not know what is going to happen! It is really like a psychological issue. I get very stressed out when things are up in the air and I don't know what is going to happen. I am in the middle of such a situation right now. I am currently past my due date- no big deal- but WHEN IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN? Today? Tomorrow? Next week? In the middle of the night? In the middle of dinner? In the middle of Walmart? Everyday I wake up every morning realizing that I didn't go into labor during the night; running through my plan for the day trying to figure out when a good time would be (as if I have any control over it); and go to bed womdering if I will wake up in pain in the next 5 hours. Worse case scenario: I will be induced NEXT Friday, February 6 at 4:00AM (that's right AM). Actually, that's "longest case scenario". Worse case scenario is waiting until next Thursday with the constant "What ifs...?" My blog is starting to make me seem like a "head case", so maybe I won't blog again until I have to balance a newborn and type one handed- whenever that may be.
I hate not knowing what is going on. I would rather know that something bad is about to happen than not know what is going to happen! It is really like a psychological issue. I get very stressed out when things are up in the air and I don't know what is going to happen. I am in the middle of such a situation right now. I am currently past my due date- no big deal- but WHEN IS IT GOING TO HAPPEN? Today? Tomorrow? Next week? In the middle of the night? In the middle of dinner? In the middle of Walmart? Everyday I wake up every morning realizing that I didn't go into labor during the night; running through my plan for the day trying to figure out when a good time would be (as if I have any control over it); and go to bed womdering if I will wake up in pain in the next 5 hours. Worse case scenario: I will be induced NEXT Friday, February 6 at 4:00AM (that's right AM). Actually, that's "longest case scenario". Worse case scenario is waiting until next Thursday with the constant "What ifs...?" My blog is starting to make me seem like a "head case", so maybe I won't blog again until I have to balance a newborn and type one handed- whenever that may be.
Monday, January 26, 2004
Nesting Crisis Over
Okay, I'm okay. I know I freaked out on Friday, but I'm fine now. I spent the weekend trying to be so active and busy that I could put myself into labor-it didn't work. It did accomplish that our area is at least straightened up and our family room is rearranged into a more clean looking, less cramped set up. I am feeling good about having a baby now. I am anxious though. Any minute, any time, it could happen. It hasn't-nothing even close, but I am waiting in anticipation.
Bring on three kids! I'm waiting.
Okay, I'm okay. I know I freaked out on Friday, but I'm fine now. I spent the weekend trying to be so active and busy that I could put myself into labor-it didn't work. It did accomplish that our area is at least straightened up and our family room is rearranged into a more clean looking, less cramped set up. I am feeling good about having a baby now. I am anxious though. Any minute, any time, it could happen. It hasn't-nothing even close, but I am waiting in anticipation.
Bring on three kids! I'm waiting.
Friday, January 23, 2004
Are You Ready?
That is the question people keep asking me. Am I ready? no. Well, there are parts I guess I'm ready for, but for the most part- no.
* Am I ready to have three kids with 24-7 needs? no.
* Am I ready to have three kids to pick up after? no.
* Am I ready to have Emma in the very back seat of the van, where I will have to open the back door to help her with her seatbelt when it gets stuck, which it always does? no.
* Am I ready to have another child with potential health problems? no. (this weekend is still fresh in my memory)
* Am I ready to wake up every four every hours every night for months? no.
* Am I ready for another person's laundry? no.
* Am I ready for another child in diapers? no.
* Am I a complainer? yes.
* Am I ready to give birth? sure, but I am not uncomfortable/miserable, so I could stay pregnant a while longer.
* Am I ready for the recovery process from giving birth? no.
* Am I ready for a cuddly baby to hold? yes.
* Am I ready another child to show me how much love I am capable of experiencing? yes.
* Am I ready for Emma and Loredana to be big sisters? yes- they are ready for sure.
* Am I ready for Doug to be a daddy to a son? yes.
* Is he ready? no.
So, am I ready? No, I am not.
Am I willing? Yes, which is good and probably more important. I am sure I will learn alot. I am sure I will be emotional- hold on because- I am sure I will blog during my emotional states.
*Am I excited? yes. Parenthood is always an adventure.
*I have no ending for this blog.
*Am I done typing? yes.
That is the question people keep asking me. Am I ready? no. Well, there are parts I guess I'm ready for, but for the most part- no.
* Am I ready to have three kids with 24-7 needs? no.
* Am I ready to have three kids to pick up after? no.
* Am I ready to have Emma in the very back seat of the van, where I will have to open the back door to help her with her seatbelt when it gets stuck, which it always does? no.
* Am I ready to have another child with potential health problems? no. (this weekend is still fresh in my memory)
* Am I ready to wake up every four every hours every night for months? no.
* Am I ready for another person's laundry? no.
* Am I ready for another child in diapers? no.
* Am I a complainer? yes.
* Am I ready to give birth? sure, but I am not uncomfortable/miserable, so I could stay pregnant a while longer.
* Am I ready for the recovery process from giving birth? no.
* Am I ready for a cuddly baby to hold? yes.
* Am I ready another child to show me how much love I am capable of experiencing? yes.
* Am I ready for Emma and Loredana to be big sisters? yes- they are ready for sure.
* Am I ready for Doug to be a daddy to a son? yes.
* Is he ready? no.
So, am I ready? No, I am not.
Am I willing? Yes, which is good and probably more important. I am sure I will learn alot. I am sure I will be emotional- hold on because- I am sure I will blog during my emotional states.
*Am I excited? yes. Parenthood is always an adventure.
*I have no ending for this blog.
*Am I done typing? yes.
Monday, January 19, 2004
Things that SUCK...
On the news...
* I-15 was closed Thursday night because of a deadly car accident. The two girls that were killed worked at Loredana's preschool. The were both in their late teens/early twenties.
On the same newscast....
* A male teacher that I worked with at a previous school pled guilty to having sex with two different 14 year old girls.
From my experience...
*Two year olds confined to a bed for three days.
*Two year olds with IVs.
*Two year olds with oxygen tubes in their noses.
*Hospital food- no matter what Tommy tries to say.
*Hospital cots that they give to parents to sleep on at the hospital.
*Five year olds who aren't sick, but spend 8-10hours a day for three days at a hospital where the ONLY fun things to do are- go to the snack machine, play with the hospital bed buttons, and BANG Mylar balloons around the room.
*Parents who get angry at bored five year olds who are stuck in a hospital with nothing to do but go to the snack machine, push buttons and bang balloons.
*Living through all of the above when you are 38 and a 1/2 weeks pregnant and are giving birth at a different hospital- always having that remote possible stress in the back of your mind.
The Bright Side
My Pollyanna thought while experiencing the items listed above:
*It would suck so unbelievably to have a terminally ill child where the listed complaints would be a daily reality and the ultimate outcome would be devastating.
(Desperate times call for desperate Pollyanna moments.)
The moral
No matter how suck ass it is, it could almost always be worse. Be thankful.
On the news...
* I-15 was closed Thursday night because of a deadly car accident. The two girls that were killed worked at Loredana's preschool. The were both in their late teens/early twenties.
On the same newscast....
* A male teacher that I worked with at a previous school pled guilty to having sex with two different 14 year old girls.
From my experience...
*Two year olds confined to a bed for three days.
*Two year olds with IVs.
*Two year olds with oxygen tubes in their noses.
*Hospital food- no matter what Tommy tries to say.
*Hospital cots that they give to parents to sleep on at the hospital.
*Five year olds who aren't sick, but spend 8-10hours a day for three days at a hospital where the ONLY fun things to do are- go to the snack machine, play with the hospital bed buttons, and BANG Mylar balloons around the room.
*Parents who get angry at bored five year olds who are stuck in a hospital with nothing to do but go to the snack machine, push buttons and bang balloons.
*Living through all of the above when you are 38 and a 1/2 weeks pregnant and are giving birth at a different hospital- always having that remote possible stress in the back of your mind.
The Bright Side
My Pollyanna thought while experiencing the items listed above:
*It would suck so unbelievably to have a terminally ill child where the listed complaints would be a daily reality and the ultimate outcome would be devastating.
(Desperate times call for desperate Pollyanna moments.)
The moral
No matter how suck ass it is, it could almost always be worse. Be thankful.
Saturday, January 10, 2004
Movies
Doug and I went to two movies and dinner to celebrate our 11th anniversary. We saw _Big Fish_- which I thought was going to suck, but it didn't. We both enjoyed it a lot. Then we went to dinner at Chili's and when we were done eating we just sat there for a LONG TIME. Just sat there. We didn't have to get back to the theater because the second movie wasn't starting, but it was very nice to just sit there. Nobody at our table was freaking out, so we just sat there. Then we saw _Lord of the Rings_. Doug had already seen it. Something must be wrong with me because I just didn't care. I felt like it was too long and just kept going and going. I wanted to care and like it, but .... whatever.
It was a nice anniversary. That's our second anniversary in a row that we saw two movies to celebrate it. FUN. We used to see at least two movies a week-BC.
Thanks to all the people who spent the evening watching our children so we could go to five and a half hours of movies and a leisurely dinner.
Doug and I went to two movies and dinner to celebrate our 11th anniversary. We saw _Big Fish_- which I thought was going to suck, but it didn't. We both enjoyed it a lot. Then we went to dinner at Chili's and when we were done eating we just sat there for a LONG TIME. Just sat there. We didn't have to get back to the theater because the second movie wasn't starting, but it was very nice to just sit there. Nobody at our table was freaking out, so we just sat there. Then we saw _Lord of the Rings_. Doug had already seen it. Something must be wrong with me because I just didn't care. I felt like it was too long and just kept going and going. I wanted to care and like it, but .... whatever.
It was a nice anniversary. That's our second anniversary in a row that we saw two movies to celebrate it. FUN. We used to see at least two movies a week-BC.
Thanks to all the people who spent the evening watching our children so we could go to five and a half hours of movies and a leisurely dinner.
Friday, January 09, 2004
Eleven Years
Eleven years ago... I took a bubble bath, went to the salon and was pampered, went to the church.
Eleven years ago... we went to Mammoth for a five days and were snowed in-good situation for a honeymoon, but we could put it to better use now-11 years later.
Eleven years ago... we went to the movies at a moments notice, ate out lots, our time was our own. We appreciate seeing movies, and eating out uninterrupted so much more than we ever did in those days. Our time is not our own, but stolen moments, when nobody is looking-priceless.
Eleven years ago.... I married an energetic, fun, outgoing, crazy dressing, pop culture understanding, sexy artist. Some things never change.
Eleven years ago... I took a bubble bath, went to the salon and was pampered, went to the church.
Eleven years ago... we went to Mammoth for a five days and were snowed in-good situation for a honeymoon, but we could put it to better use now-11 years later.
Eleven years ago... we went to the movies at a moments notice, ate out lots, our time was our own. We appreciate seeing movies, and eating out uninterrupted so much more than we ever did in those days. Our time is not our own, but stolen moments, when nobody is looking-priceless.
Eleven years ago.... I married an energetic, fun, outgoing, crazy dressing, pop culture understanding, sexy artist. Some things never change.
Sunday, January 04, 2004
Blog Comments
Yeah- KP blogged. It made me happy to read, not one, but two new blogs. I wish I could list my top ten cds of all time. I really don't think I could even list 10 cds, which is pretty dang sad, I must say. I like music, however, if I am in the car alone I listen to SILENCE- a music in its own way.
I have a good marriage and I need to acknowledge that fact more. Doug is less psycho than most people, he just likes strange things.
Jack kicks like Emma kicked. He will push in an area and if I push back, he moves his foot. I hope that means he'll be the same kind of baby she was. Loredana would kick harder if I pushed on her and she is FIESTY!!!! (did I spell that right?) We will meet him face to face in three and a half weeks- amazing.
Yeah- KP blogged. It made me happy to read, not one, but two new blogs. I wish I could list my top ten cds of all time. I really don't think I could even list 10 cds, which is pretty dang sad, I must say. I like music, however, if I am in the car alone I listen to SILENCE- a music in its own way.
I have a good marriage and I need to acknowledge that fact more. Doug is less psycho than most people, he just likes strange things.
Jack kicks like Emma kicked. He will push in an area and if I push back, he moves his foot. I hope that means he'll be the same kind of baby she was. Loredana would kick harder if I pushed on her and she is FIESTY!!!! (did I spell that right?) We will meet him face to face in three and a half weeks- amazing.
Thursday, January 01, 2004
Happy New Year!
This was one of my favorite New Year's Eves ever. For the last eleven years we have gone to a dinner party with friends. It started out as a party that we were invited to that consisted of "adults" we knew- we were teenagers working in the same daycare as several of them. When we were "adults" too- 19- we were invited. We hung out with these friends ALL THE TIME. We worked together, we played together, we ate together. We were together all the time, but New Years was special. We all dressed up and Mike- a chef- made fancy, delicious food. It is not really that way anymore. Some things are, but some are not.
We still dress up- sort of- no tuxes; we still eat fancy food that Mike works hard on and we are always amazed. But we don't hang out all the time anymore. Doug and I especially hardly see these friends that we spent our entire early twenties with. However, I always look forward to New Years because even though our lives aren't so intertwined anymore they are still our friends. (I think that was part of the original New Year's party anyway- to commit to seeing each other at least that once a year.)
Over the years there have been lots of different people at different New Year's celebrations. It always makes me a little sad to share my friends that I never see with strangers I've never met. This year was small. This year was only people from the old "group". A lot of people were missing for whatever reasons. In any case, we talked about music, movies, food, Star Wars, games, kids, life. We caught up with each other. It was glorious for me. I loved it. I spent New Years with some of my oldest and dearest friends and next year it will be the same- I wouldn't want it any other way.
This was one of my favorite New Year's Eves ever. For the last eleven years we have gone to a dinner party with friends. It started out as a party that we were invited to that consisted of "adults" we knew- we were teenagers working in the same daycare as several of them. When we were "adults" too- 19- we were invited. We hung out with these friends ALL THE TIME. We worked together, we played together, we ate together. We were together all the time, but New Years was special. We all dressed up and Mike- a chef- made fancy, delicious food. It is not really that way anymore. Some things are, but some are not.
We still dress up- sort of- no tuxes; we still eat fancy food that Mike works hard on and we are always amazed. But we don't hang out all the time anymore. Doug and I especially hardly see these friends that we spent our entire early twenties with. However, I always look forward to New Years because even though our lives aren't so intertwined anymore they are still our friends. (I think that was part of the original New Year's party anyway- to commit to seeing each other at least that once a year.)
Over the years there have been lots of different people at different New Year's celebrations. It always makes me a little sad to share my friends that I never see with strangers I've never met. This year was small. This year was only people from the old "group". A lot of people were missing for whatever reasons. In any case, we talked about music, movies, food, Star Wars, games, kids, life. We caught up with each other. It was glorious for me. I loved it. I spent New Years with some of my oldest and dearest friends and next year it will be the same- I wouldn't want it any other way.
